Sunday, March 8
Fear is now reality
For my Fear paper I wrote about a lot of different fears I had. One was the death/loss of a loved one, another was disappointment. I'm experiencing both right now. My grandmother passed away earlier this week. I can't help but feel disappointment in myself because of everything I should have done. I feel fear because the emotions I'm experiencing are far in few that I catch myself zoning out and keeping more to myself than interacting, which is unlike me. I feel a little lost, confused, and angry. I know I just need to separate each emotion and deal with them individually. It's just so recent that I seem to be bothered with anyone or anything for sometimes no reason at all. Losing someone is so hard, and what's harder is knowing that this is the first or last loss I'll be going through. And when the selfishness is gone, I'll be able to accept that I'm not the only one that has gone or will go through anything like this.
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When my grandma was in the hospital and was ready to go my aunt (who is a nun) said something to me that really helped me cope with her death. She told me that there was no reason to be sad because she was leaving us to go to a better place. She was going to be with God and all her pain and illnesses would be gone, he would be taking much better care of her than anyone else. Instead of crying and being depressed at her funeral most of us got through her passing by sharing funny stories and good memories of her-- it really helped.In your case I think only time will help you get though your sorrows. Im sorry about you loss.
ReplyDeleteIt took me three years to get over my dad's death. With that was my biggest regret in life: our last conversation was short, he wanted to talk but I couldn't because I needed to go to class. The loss and regret tormented my days until I found a way to accept what happened. I read "The Power of Now" and it helped me out a lot. It helped me to focus on the present, not dwell on the past, and not worry about the future. And life is beautiful again!
ReplyDeleteI can relate, I lost my grandfather on my birthday two years ago.Time cures it all, remember that your loved one is in a better place, not suffering anymore. Pray for her , meditate, and look around and enjoy all the blessings you have in your life now. Sorry about your loss.
ReplyDeleteI understand where you're coming from. I had to watch one of my good friends be buried this Saturday. My heart feels like it's been broken to pieces. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm sad and crying the next I'm just so angry and other times I find myself like you, just zoning out. Sometimes I feel like I can't breath and it just hurts everywhere. I've been so moody and cranky but I can't help the way I feel. The only reassurance of all this, is that I know he's in a better place. And even though I have to face the fact that I won't ever have him here with me again, I know he's at peace now. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH WHEN I LOST MY COUSIN I FELT THE SAME WAY. WE WERE VERY CLOSE WITH EACH OTHER, WE GREW UP TOGETHER, AND EVEN TILL THE DAY HE DIED. HIS WAS ONLY EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM. I WAS ALWAYS DAZING OFF WONDERING WHY?? WHY HIM? WAS THERE ANYTHING THAT I COULD HAVE DONE.. AND WHAT GOT ME THROUGH HIS DEATH WAS THINKING ABOUT ALL THE GOOD MEMORIES WE HAD TOGETHER.
ReplyDeleteI can realate to your topic of disapointment. I wrote my paper on failure in life. which was my biggest fear in life
ReplyDeleteTime will heel your fears and sorrows.
ReplyDelete